He made me do it

This piece suggests a psychological insight in an attempt to clear up a bunch of mystifying statements by Chazal, all related to the sotah

We find some strange phenomena associated with the sotah.

Firstly, she's rewarded with an easier labor or better looking children if she survives the ordeal (bamidbar 5:28 with rashi from chazal). Additionally, we're told that the husband shouldn't think he's to blame for her death should that come to pass (ibid 5:31 with rashi from chazal). 

Seems very odd to be compensating her for her troubles and needing to clear her husband's conscience as after all we're talking about a woman that has acted inappropriately with another man to the extent that her husband felt it necessary to instruct her to stay away from him and she nevertheless secluded herself with him. She seems like far from a saint and any embarrassment or death that accrues is fully on her. 

Maybe it can be explained based off of another comment by chazal brought in rashi to bamidbar 5:12 that if one withholds what should be given to the kohen then he will end up going to the kohen with his sotah wife in tow (as the kohen is the one that administers the process). 

Gonna view them as cause and effect. 

Now, why would someone withhold matnos kehunah? He may not recognize what the kohen is doing for him or doesn't appreciate it enough that he feels the need to support him for it. Or he may be downright miserly and tight-fisted. Whatever the exact reason, these middos, brought over to the home front with regard to his wife, will doubtlessly have a devastating affect on their relationship. His wife will not feel appreciated, treasured, loved, worthy of her husband spending his money on her and on and on. She will then potentially be open to a more generous and kind man's attentions. It turns out that to some extent the husband is to blame, for through his mistreatment of his wife he is pushing her to do things she would otherwise not consider doing. 

Now, if she doesnt actually commit adultery it makes sense that she receives some recompense for being put through the wringer of the sotah ordeal, as she was somewhat responding to her husbands mistreatment. If she goes the whole nine yards with this fellow, and perishes, the Torah feels the need to let the husband know that despite his ill treatment of her, there's only so much we can lay at his doorstep, if she went all in and committed adultery, that's on her. Ultimately her decisions and actions are her choice and in her hands and we don't exonerate her despite her difficult marital circumstances. 

People with trying situations sometimes assign blame for bad life decisions and destructive choices to the people that caused them pain or to unfortunate circumstances. We can only empathize with what they've been subjected to and up to a point it seems like there isn't anything they can do differently. However to go all the way is at the end of the day in a person's own hands and can't be put on anyone else or compromised circumstances.